She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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