My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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