The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Terrible idea I love it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
