Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize