Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
