i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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