We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize