there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
