I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
