so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
