I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
that's an acceptable place to lick
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
how does that bad decision feel?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
