dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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