your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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