I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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