Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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