He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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