I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I believe in your delicious
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
