The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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