I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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