My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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