i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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