i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
