Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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