Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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