I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize