I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
