When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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