So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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