I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
