im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
