32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Drake has all the answers
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
