just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
