I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
