she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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