Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Drunk is not a location!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
