before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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