do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
