end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize