I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
