You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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