She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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