I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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