I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
