I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
