there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
