I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
