dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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