don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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