insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
