my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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