Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
