Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
