i don't like sucking hair
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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