Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
