So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize