i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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