So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
