OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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