Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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