So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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