It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
