im having a threesome with these popsicles
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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