how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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