is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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