i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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