I wish my penis had an off switch
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
