so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
