to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
