So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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