I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
